The Smug Comment That Changed My Leadership Philosophy
How Poor Leadership Taught Me to Stop Overworking (on the wrong things)
I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.
It was during a particulate frantic and stressful period, preparing for a major pre-deployment certification exercise. My team was struggling, not just with meeting basic standards, but with mission-critical tasks and letting even some of the day-to-day admin slip through. I was doing everything I knew to keep it together…
And failing miserably.
There was one particular moment - during a feedback session with an individual who shall remain nameless - that crystallized my frustration.
Despite my best efforts to enforce standards and manage an avalanche of tasks, the feedback I received was clinical and dismissive. I was drowning. Mentally exhausted and desperate for support, priorities, and mayyybe some empathy. My hope was soon dashed. This person’s smug remark "Someday when you're a flight commander, you'll understand," was particularly cutting. I'd been a (albeit small) flight commander before at my 1st assignment at Shaw AFB, and the contrast between that more supportive environment and this one was night and day. (Shoutout to Major Irby and Lt. Col. McKenna for being awesome)
This experience was a turning point for me. Leaders understand and support their teams they enforce the right standards based on the right priorities.
More importantly, I wasn’t staying true to my own values, playing into my people-pleasing tendencies when faced with leaders whose priorities were out of sync with what was right.
While we can't always change our circumstances…
Actually, screw that. As I wrote that last sentence, it felt off.
Yes, we can change our circumstances.
The most valuable point of growth I had last year was defining (literally writing down) my values. It helped me begin to keep the promise to myself to never give my power over to “competent” poor leaders. (See my last newsletter)
I’ve never published my values, but here are 2 that I compromised the most in the last few years:
Agency
I value the freedom to integrate my strengths into my vocation and in my personal life.
Respect
I’m true to my values and invest in relationships where I am respected for my strengths and not belittled for my weaknesses.
I compromise out of fear. But I choose to remember, that I’m no longer a slave to fear.
Galatians 4:7 - Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son (NKJV)
-Riley